In Nigeria, paying school fees is not a financial transaction — it is a full-blown negotiation, a prayer meeting, and a therapy session all rolled into one phone call. Every Nigerian student who has ever called their father at the end of the month knows exactly what this feels like.
🎭 Characters
- Emeka — A 200-level student who needs 150,000 naira and is about to use every persuasion technique known to man
- Papa — His father — a retired civil servant who treats every financial request like the IMF is auditing his books
- Mama — Emeka's mother who appears briefly on the call to either help or make things worse — usually the latter
📍 Setting
Emeka's hostel room. He is lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, rehearsing what he is going to say. His roommate is pretending to read but is fully listening and ready to offer unsolicited commentary.
📜 Full Dialogue
[Emeka sits up, takes three deep breaths, and dials. The phone rings four times.]
Papa: Hello?
Emeka: (voice immediately softer, more childlike) Hello Daddy! Good evening sir! How are you, sir? How is your body sir?
Papa: I am fine. What happened?
Emeka: Nothing happened sir. Can I not call my own father just to greet him?
Papa: You called me on a Tuesday at nine PM. Something happened. How much?
Emeka: (laughing nervously) Daddy! Why now! I just… okay, it is about school fees. The portal closes Friday—
Papa: How much?
Emeka: One hundred and fifty thousand naira.
[Three-second silence. The kind that has its own weather.]
Papa: Emeka.
Emeka: Sir?
Papa: Did you say one hundred and fifty thousand naira?
Emeka: Yes sir. That is what the school—
Papa: When I was going to university, school fees was twelve naira fifty kobo.
Emeka: Daddy, that was 1979.
Papa: Money is money, Emeka. Twelve naira was not easy in 1979.
Emeka: I understand sir, but inflation—
Papa: Do not mention inflation to me. I know about inflation. I am the one buying garri at two hundred naira a cup.
Emeka: (changing tactics) Daddy, you know I am your favourite child—
Papa: You are my only child who calls me for money.
Emeka: I am also your only child in university.
Papa: That is because your sister had sense and learnt a trade.
[Roommate muffles a laugh in the background.]
Emeka: (desperate) Daddy I will be a first class student. I promise.
Papa: You said that last semester.
Emeka: This semester I mean it. I have been reading. NEPA took light during my last CAT but—
Papa: NEPA is not paying school fees. I am.
[Sound of shuffling. Then Mama’s voice appears.]
Mama: Emeka! Is that you? Are you eating well?
Emeka: (voice immediately breaking with calculated emotion) Mummy! I have not eaten properly since Monday. I only have rice—
Papa: (in background) Do not listen to him. He is manipulating you.
Mama: You have not eaten?! Olusegun, send the money now!
Papa: Woman, let me handle—
Mama: Send the money or I will send it from my own account. Do you want your son to faint in school?
[Brief offscreen domestic negotiation sounds.]
Papa: (back on phone, defeated) I will send 120,000 today. The remaining 30,000 you will get after you send me your results.
Emeka: (under his breath, fist pump) Yes!
Papa: I heard that.
Emeka: I said… thank you, sir. God bless you, sir. You are the best father—
Papa: Stop. Just go and read. Goodnight.
[Call ends. Roommate immediately starts slow clapping.]
Roommate: The not-eating line was genius. I am using that next week.
Emeka: My friend, write it down. There is science to this.
🎬 Acting Tips
- Emeka's voice should literally change register when the call connects — becoming softer and younger-sounding.
- Papa's pauses are the comedy. Hold them a full beat longer than feels comfortable.
- The "I have not eaten" line should be delivered with a single calculated crack in the voice.
- Mama should burst onto the call with the energy of a force of nature.
- The roommate's silent reactions in the background are pure gold — use them.
📷 Camera Ideas
- Cut between Emeka's hopeful face and a blank screen representing "Dad's energy" for comedic visual contrast.
- Show Emeka's notes of what to say before the call — like a battle plan.
- The roommate reactions work perfectly as cutaway reaction shots.
- Slow zoom on Emeka's face when the silence after 150k happens.
- End on a wide shot of both boys huddled over the phone after the call — true brotherhood.
🔊 Suggested Sound Effects
- Phone dialling and ringtone
- The extended silence beat after "150,000 naira" — use ambient room tone
- Mobile transfer notification sound at the end
- Background domestic sounds when Mama appears
📱 TikTok Caption Ideas
- "The not-eating line hits different every single time 😭 #NigerianStudentLife"
- "Every Nigerian student has this call memorised by 100 level 💀 #SchoolFees"
- "Mama always comes through. Always. 🙏 #AfricanMom"
- "He negotiated 120k out of 150k. Respectable. #NigerianDad #StudentLife"
- "The science of calling home for fees is a whole course on its own 😂"
🔀 Alternative Ending
In the alternative ending, Papa agrees to send the full 150,000 — but only if Emeka video-calls him from the library for one hour every day for the rest of the semester. Emeka agrees, then immediately opens his laptop to find a virtual library background.
If you survived the school fees phone call, you survived one of the toughest negotiations of your young life. Drop this on your WhatsApp status for every student who's been through it.
