The Nigerian landlord-tenant relationship is one of the great ongoing human dramas. Both parties are reasonable people outside of this specific interaction. Inside this interaction, they are forces of nature in collision. This skit is for every tenant who has hidden inside their room and every landlord who has knocked anyway.
π₯ CHARACTERS
- Chief Olawale β 62. Has been a landlord for 27 years. Has seen every excuse. Is now immune to all of them. Polite. Relentless.
- Bayo β 31. Tenant. Rent is three weeks late. Has a plan. The plan requires two more days. Chief Olawale will not give two more days.
- Mama Kemi (Bayo’s neighbour) β Has always paid on time. Present to silently judge.
π SETTING
The compound of a Lagos residential building, late afternoon. Chief Olawale standing at Bayo’s door. Bayo visible through the gap, partially dressed, clearly considering not answering.
π¬ FULL SCRIPT
Three deliberate knocks on the door.
CHIEF OLAWALEBayo. I can hear your television.
The television cuts off immediately.
CHIEF OLAWALEBayo. I can also hear your feet.
A long pause. Then the door opens. Bayo appears in casual clothes, looking surprised.
BAYOChief! I didn’t even hear you knockβ
CHIEF OLAWALEI knocked three times.
BAYOI was in the bathroomβ
CHIEF OLAWALEYour bathroom is in your sitting room? I heard your feet walking there.
BAYO…I was walking to the bathroom.
CHIEF OLAWALE(pleasantly) Good evening, Bayo.
BAYOGood evening sir.
CHIEF OLAWALEThe rent.
BAYOYes! Yes sir, about that β I have been meaning to reach you actually β I was going to call you actuallyβ
CHIEF OLAWALEIt is the last day of the month.
BAYOI know, and my salary β the company is having a small delayβ
CHIEF OLAWALEThe company was also having a small delay last month.
BAYOThey are a very slow company.
CHIEF OLAWALEPerhaps you should work for a faster company.
MAMA KEMI(walking past, quietly) Good evening Chief. I put my own envelope under your door already.
CHIEF OLAWALE(warmly) God bless you, Mama Kemi.
Both men watch her walk away. She does not look at Bayo.
BAYOShe does not need to make a whole performance about itβ
CHIEF OLAWALEShe is not performing. She is paying rent.
BAYOChief, give me two days. End of week. I promiseβ
CHIEF OLAWALEBayo. How many promises have you made me?
BAYOSeveral. But this timeβ
CHIEF OLAWALELast month you promised by the 15th.
BAYOMy uncle was illβ
CHIEF OLAWALEMonth before, your generator was stolen.
BAYOIt was stolen, Chiefβ
CHIEF OLAWALEBayo. I built this house in 1997. I have been a landlord for 27 years. I have heard every excuse. They are all true. They are all also not my problem.
BAYOTwo days, sir. Forty-eight hours. I will bring cash. Not transfer β cash.
Chief Olawale is quiet for a moment. He adjusts his agbada.
CHIEF OLAWALEFriday. By 6 PM. If the money is not in my hand by 6 PM Friday, I am beginning the legal process.
BAYOFriday! Absolutely! Thank you Chiefβ
CHIEF OLAWALEAnd Bayo.
BAYOSir?
CHIEF OLAWALEFix your television antenna. Every night I can hear your programmes from upstairs and I cannot hear my own. This is also not acceptable.
BAYO…yes sir.
Chief Olawale nods and walks back inside. Bayo closes his door and stands in his room, phone in hand, beginning an emergency call to every relative he has.
BAYO(into phone) Emeka. Brother. I know it is late. Listen, I need a favor…
π ACTING TIPS
- Chief Olawale must be completely polite throughout. The menace is entirely in the facts he states and the patience with which he states them.
- Bayo’s excuses should escalate in creativity and confidence before collapsing. He is not a bad person β he is just broke.
- Mama Kemi’s walk-by is a silent cameo that must be perfectly timed and completely unsentimental. She owes Bayo nothing.
- The TV turning off when Chief says he can hear it: sound effect must be perfectly synced for the laugh.
π· CAMERA IDEAS
- Open on the door before anyone speaks β let the audience see the knock land.
- Two-shot of Chief and Bayo through the door gap β separated by the door frame deliberately.
- Mama Kemi walk-by: slow motion for 1 second as Chief says “God bless you.”
- Final shot: Bayo alone in his room on the phone. Wide shot showing the smallness of the room.
π SUGGESTED SOUND EFFECTS
- Three deliberate knocks β weighted, authoritative
- TV cutting off suddenly (comedy timing)
- Compound ambient sounds β chickens, distant generator, neighbours
- Money counting sounds during the “cash” discussion
π± TIKTOK CAPTION IDEAS
- “Nigerian landlord energy is a whole different frequency π #LandlordProblems #NaijaLife”
- “‘I can hear your television’ and the TV immediately went silent π©π THE GUILT”
- “The way Mama Kemi walked past without looking at him π #Landlord #NigerianComedy”
π ALTERNATIVE ENDING
On Friday, Bayo shows up with the rent β in coins. A bag of assorted coins totaling the full amount. Chief Olawale stands at his door looking at the bag. “Is this legal tender?” he asks. “Every denomination is valid in Nigeria,” Bayo says. Chief Olawale takes the bag. He does not count it in front of Bayo. He will count it privately, alone, with patience. He has 27 years of experience.
