Every Nigerian university student knows the 8 AM lecture is a fiction — a scheduled event that exists in theory but almost never in practice. The hall is empty, the lecturer is insulted, and somehow the course rep is expected to explain why two hundred registered students sent exactly fifteen representatives.
🎭 Characters
- Prof. Nwosu — A 62-year-old professor who takes attendance personally — like you are attending his funeral by being absent
- Sade — Course rep who is always present and always suffers for it
- Bisi — The only male student present, regretting every single decision that led him here
- Voice Notes — The 185 absent students represented by WhatsApp messages
📍 Setting
A 300-capacity lecture theatre at 8:03 AM on a Monday. Fifteen students are scattered across rows clearly designed for two hundred. The lights are too bright. Everyone looks like they lost a battle with sleep.
📜 Full Dialogue
[Prof. Nwosu walks in. He looks at the near-empty hall. He sets his notes down slowly. Very slowly.]
Prof. Nwosu: (surveying the room) How many of you are here?
Sade: Fifteen, sir.
Prof. Nwosu: I have two hundred and twelve registered students in this course.
Sade: Yes, sir.
Prof. Nwosu: Two hundred and twelve minus fifteen is…
Bisi: (quietly) One hundred and ninety-seven.
Prof. Nwosu: One hundred and ninety-seven people looked at this Monday morning and chose to send me a message. What is the message, Miss Sade?
Sade: Sir, some people said the bus from off-campus—
Prof. Nwosu: I do not care about the bus. I care about my lecture. I woke up at 5 AM to prepare for this class.
Bisi: (muttering) Nobody asked you, sir.
Prof. Nwosu: What did you say?
Bisi: I said… nobody… is as hardworking as you, sir.
[Sade’s phone buzzes. She reads it and winces.]
Prof. Nwosu: Is that the class group chat?
Sade: …Yes, sir.
Prof. Nwosu: Read it.
Sade: Sir—
Prof. Nwosu: Read it to me, Sade.
Sade: (reading reluctantly) “Sade abeg write my name. Tell Prof I have malaria.” … “Sade dear write mine too. I am sleeping.” … “Sade, add me o. I am watching Squid Game.” … “Sade, you are a true friend. I am eating pepper soup.”
[Silence. Prof. Nwosu stares at the ceiling for four full seconds.]
Prof. Nwosu: Pepper soup.
Sade: Yes, sir.
Prof. Nwosu: Someone is eating pepper soup while I am here preparing to teach Ricardo’s theory of rent.
Bisi: To be fair, sir, Ricardo never had to be up at 8 AM on a Monday.
Prof. Nwosu: (turning slowly to face Bisi) Say that again.
Bisi: (tiny voice) …I said Ricardo was a hard worker, sir.
Prof. Nwosu: I will teach this class. For the fifteen of you. And I will make the exam specifically from what I teach today. Let the pepper soup students fail in peace.
[Fifteen students immediately sit up straight, phones away, pens out.]
Sade: (typing frantically to the group chat) GUYS COME NOW. HE SAID THE EXAM WILL BE FROM TODAY. I AM NOT COVERING FOR YOU AGAIN.
[The sound of running feet is heard in the corridor twenty seconds later.]
🎬 Acting Tips
- Prof. Nwosu's "pepper soup" pause should last uncomfortably long. Let the audience sit in it.
- Sade reading the group chat messages should get progressively more pained with each one.
- Bisi's "nobody asked you" aside needs to be the perfect just-barely-audible level.
- The fifteen students' collective posture change at the exam announcement is a choreography moment.
- End with the sound of running feet off camera for maximum comedic timing.
📷 Camera Ideas
- Open with a wide shot of the empty hall — let the audience absorb the emptiness.
- Cut to a tight shot of Sade's face as she reads each WhatsApp message.
- Prof Nwosu's ceiling stare should be a held medium shot — do not cut away too quickly.
- Speed-cut montage of students scrambling out of bed, food in hand, running to campus at the end.
🔊 Suggested Sound Effects
- WhatsApp notification sounds in rapid succession
- Distant running feet in corridor
- Loud door banging as latecomers rush in
- Classroom ambient morning sounds
📱 TikTok Caption Ideas
- "Pepper soup on a Monday 8 AM. I respect the commitment 😂 #NigerianUniversity"
- "The exam announcement had us running like the exam was in ten minutes 😭"
- "Sade is the most abused course rep in this country 💀 #CourseRepLife"
- "Ricardo never did an 8 AM on a Monday and it SHOWS #Economics"
- "The group chat receipts are always the most painful part 📱🔥"
🔀 Alternative Ending
Alternative ending: Prof. Nwosu actually cancels class because he also forgot to prepare. He tells the fifteen present students they have shown character, gives them five bonus marks each, and asks them not to tell anyone.
To every student who has ever been Sade — the one who shows up, suffers, and texts the group: this is for you. Share this with your departmental group chat right now.
